Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
