he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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