At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize