last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
