she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
