Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
