You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
