I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
