he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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