...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
