I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ugly people sure do ruin things
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize