You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
