wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
