when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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