just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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