What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
