did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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