so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
