Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize