I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
