dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
