Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize