Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
