Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
