i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
