why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
