When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
