Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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