I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
