Having a random hookup so left but love u
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
