Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
