Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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