she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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