I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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