Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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