my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
