yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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