There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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