Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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