piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
