Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
