I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
