Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
