do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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