We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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