so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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