I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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