And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
