I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm determined to sit on that face.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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