Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
