Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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