Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize