'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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