Kiss
Puke
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
