That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
