You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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