Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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