I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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