i was born a porn star she said
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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