in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
