the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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