best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
