:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
