Sry I called you an 8
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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