I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So much rum. So many feels.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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