I feel great
I just peed on a car
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
