He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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