so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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