I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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