youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
