I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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