Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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