yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
