i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
