it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
