Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
