just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
