Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
