You're earring is so big in my mouth
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
