she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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