I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
how drunk are you?
Several
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
