great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
