Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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