Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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