i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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