your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
