don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
