3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
