Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
