I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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