You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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