he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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