What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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