..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
