no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
