Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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