I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Less talking, more tequila
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
