He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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