'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We have started to decorate penises.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
