I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
