Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
