yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
