when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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