All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
