May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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