careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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