My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
