Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
