If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
