A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
