That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
